Saturday, June 6, 2015


I have spent the evening preparing my Relief Society lesson for this coming Sunday.  Its on David and Goliath.  I haven't actually read the passage in the bible probably since High School.  Its such a good story.  My favorite though is typing it into the church website's search and reading all the different General Authorities thoughts and feelings about it.  So many lessons learned in just one chapter.  So much that is applicable to my own life.  Isn't it crazy how so long ago, all of the battles and challenges that we read about now were so often physical and today, the majority of the battles fought and challenges faced are spiritual and internal?  When I try to picture what it would be like to raise children in world like that of the scriptures with all of the wars and instability and poverty, its hard to catch my breath.  I can't imagine.  I would be so scared all the time.  But then I think about how the war that my children face in this day and age is just as real and just as frightening.  And there goes my breath again.....      

There are oh so many challenges that I hope to one day overcome.  So many weaknesses that frustrate me.  But of all of them, the one that gets to me the very most, is fear.  Fear is my Goliath.  I hate it.  It ruins everything.  It creeps up on me and can ruin the most pleasant of moments, the most beautiful of days, the most wonderful sleep.  I have always had it.  Even when I was a kid, I found plenty to be scared of.  I had nightmares night after night.  My amazing Mom had all the patience in the world with me and taught me each night to pray for peace and sleep.  I learned as a 7 year old girl that my Mom had lots of faith, I remember knowing that if she said the prayer, that I would be just fine and I would fall asleep feeling safe and sound.  If I said the prayer... I still felt a little shakey. haha  But it made me realize as just a little girl that I needed to have faith to make it through this world without being utterly terrified all the time.  And that I could only rely on my Mom's faith for so long. 

Twenty-something years later and I still struggle with it.  What I fear has changed and evolved, but its still there.  I worry so much about every little thing and its just exhausting.  And its just so useless.  I know that.  I get it.  Brad always tells me, "Whats going to happen is going to happen.  Worrying won't change anything."  He's right.  It makes perfect sense.  But then I lay awake at night and cant shut off my brain.  haha 

I am working on it.  Everyday I try to make a conscious effort to be stronger.  I pray for it.  I pray for a better faith.  Faith like David had when he faced Goliath.  The scriptures say that he "ran toward the army to meet Goliath."  Are you kidding me?!  Its one thing to face your fears and challenges, but to run toward them?!  That really stood out to me when I read it this time around.  I want so badly to have faith like that.

But even more, I want my children to have faith like that!  That has become so much more important to me than anything else.  This world is scary.  Its crumbling around us.  Its a fight.  I don't want my children to have any fear.  I want them to be strong and faithful and run to meet the challenges of this life. 

I think that often times parents, with all the best intentions, get caught up in the "protection" side of parenting.  (me being one of them)  But I have realized just how important it is to prepare your children.  Because sheltering only lasts so long.  Its a nice (and tempting) thought.  To gather your chicks under your wing and know that they are always safe.  But its unrealistic.  And harmful.  The words sting as they come from my lips, but we are preparing the Lord's soldiers.  These tiny, precious babies are here to fight.  They are here to face real and unavoidable evil.  All the evil that is spilling into every corner of the world and more.  They will see things in the years to come that we will not.  They will face things that we never had to.  And we won't be able to be with them every step of the way.

The best thing we can ever do for our children is prepare them.  Prepare them by teaching them about God and Faith and Prayer and all of the courage that comes from having a Testimony. 

I desperately want this for my children.  I want them to have Testimonies.  I want the Holy Ghost to follow them where I can't.  I want the scriptures and the words of the Prophets to settle deep into their minds, smothering all doubt and immoveable in times of trial and questioning.   

I want them to run fearlessly toward the enemy 

I want them to know that the Lord is on their side 

I am so proud of the people they are becoming! 

They are so full of good, its just so inspiring to witness. 

They see the world as it should be, which I think is how the Lord sees it too. 

I am lucky I have them to keep me focused and keep me trying to be stronger and better 

And thank heavens for Brad!  So faithful and so patient with my worries.   

With help from the Lord and these 4 loves, Goliath really doesn't seem so big and bad after all. 

1 comment:

  1. I love this so much!!! It resonates so much with me. Stupid fear. I love you and your four boys.