Saturday, April 13, 2013

Madelyn Rose Merkley

My brother Nathan and his wife Kaitlin are two amazing people.  I've always known this.  But the past few days I've found myself in complete awe of their wisdom and quiet strength.  They've wanted a family since the day they got married.  They were so happy this last fall with the news that they were expecting.  They were even more thrilled with the news a few months later that they were having a little girl.  We had months of buying baby clothes, making baby blankets, talking about names and all of us picturing them being parents. (which is so easy to do)  We were all anxiously awaiting May 22nd 2013!!  On April 11th 2013, we were all devastated to hear the news that their sweet baby daughter, had died.  I cannot imagine hearing those words from your doctor.  I cannot imagine that terrible moment.  I cannot imagine the strength it must have taken to go home that night to their apartment and see her nursery, her bed and prepare to go to the hospital the next morning to be induced and deliver the baby.  I did not sleep that night.  I cried and cried.  My heart broke for them.  It killed me not being there with them.  Clark wanted to know what was going on.  We explained things to him and he seemed so sad and looked over at Kalvin and said "Is our baby going to die?"  My heart broke again.  We talked a while more and he seemed to feel better.  His concern then was if Jesus knew how to take care  of a baby :)  I watched my babies sleep and tried not to imagine what I would have done if it had happened to me.  Brad and I laid in bed, waiting for a phone call or a text or something.  The next day, Brad had to go to school and I spent the day waiting by the phone.  I talked to my Mom probably 20 times and Kaitlin's sweet sister, Kelsey forwarded me messages from their Mom, who was in the delivery room with Nathan and Kaitlin.  I wasn't there, but everyone seemed so amazed at how calm they both were.  That they were handling things so well.  That they felt peace and comfort and were an incredible example to the rest of us all falling apart.  They had oh so many prayers being said for them in those 24 hours.  I probably can account for half.  I know the spirit was with them and it was with other family members.  I didn't sleep the next night either.  Just laid there holding my phone and waiting.   The baby was born this morning.  They were able to hold her and say goodbye.  They said that she was beautiful and perfect and that they know they will see her again one day.    
I cant help but think of the Hymn "God Be With You Til We Meet Again".  Its been running through my mind for two days now.  How blessed we are to have the gospel and a true understanding of things during a tragedy like this.  Nathan and Kaitlin have a long road of healing ahead of them.  But I know them.  Like I said, they are amazing.  They will get through this.  They will heal.  They will have a family.  All my prayers and thoughts are with them.  All my love is with them and their daughter.  And I will remember her every April.  And every time I see the color coral :) To end with the words of a man much wiser than I...
"Hope on.  Journey on."
-Jeffrey R. Holland  


  1. Oh Amanda I have no words... lots of love to your family. I'm so sorry.

  2. Amanda I am so sorry. Prayers and love go out to your family.

  3. Amanda,

    A friend of mine just experienced this exact thing. It was devastating and the hardest funeral I have EVER attended. There are no words. I will be praying for Nathan and Kaitlin. I have read their blog a few times, and they seem like such an amazing couple! I hope that they find the peace they need to endure. How blessed we are to know that Families are Forever! Hugs to you too, I can't imagine the pain of watching your brother go through this!

    Oh and if it helps them, here is my friend's blog. I designed it for her. If they are interested in something similar, please have Kaitlin contact me, I'd love to do it for free. Blogging and writing is such a good way to ease your pain and heal. They don't have to, just wanted to offer. (