|Yesterday was one of the worst days of my entire life!! It started it out so normal. Running errands, planning dinner, playing with the kids, waiting for Brad to get home. I hate that so much! The normal and then the shock of something terrible happening. |
Brad surprised us and got home a few hours earlier than we were planning. He had a meeting that got canceled. I am so forever grateful for that meeting being canceled!!! It was only maybe 30 minutes after he got home that Clarky had a seizure.
Brad and Clark were in the living room playing video games and I was in the office on the phone with Apple trying to fix my stupid phone. I heard all the boys laughing and talking and playing and then all the sudden I heard Brad say, "Clark?? Are you alright??" I stopped and listened for Clarky's response and I didn't hear anything. As I hung up on the Apple tech that was in the middle of talking to me and started to stand up I heard Brad yell, "Amanda we need to take Clark to the hospital!" My heart sunk and started to race and it was like slow motion running from the office to the living room. Once I saw Clark things slowed down and sped up all at the same time.
I always thought that because my older sister, Heather has always had very severe epilepsy, if I ever had a child that had a seizure, it would be no big deal, because I've seen thousands of them before. That was SO not the case!! Seeing my baby laying on the floor with his eyes rolled back in his head and he is convulsing and spitting up.... worst moment of my life!! It was horrifying and Brad nor I can get the image out of our heads. I cant explain how it feels to see that happen to your child. I thought I knew what it would be like and I thought I could sympathize, but you just cant truly understand unless it happens to you. And I fell apart. Like bad!! I learned that I am the absolute worst person to have in an emergency!! I was sobbing and shaking and I couldn't get out a coherent sentence, let alone process what to do. Brad on the other hand... WOW!!! He is the man you want in a scary situation like that!! He was clearly terrified as well, but he just handled it all. Maybe because he saw how I was doing, he didn't really have a choice. I don't know, but I am so so so thankful for him and for his calmness in that awful moment.
He told me to call 911 and with extremely shaky hands, I managed to. As I was on the phone with the operator, Clark started coming out of the seizure. (it lasted about 1 minute, but I could have sworn it was 15 minutes. Good thing Brad was paying attention.) Brad told me to hang up, cuz waiting for an ambulance would take to long, so we were going to drive him to the Hospital. So, I grabbed Kalvin and Brad got Clark and we put them in the car and left.
I sat in the back with Clark and tried talking to him and watching his breathing and his heart beat. He was completely gone. No seizure anymore, but he was completely disoriented and unresponsive. That was really scary too! I cried and cried and Brad drove like a madman. He was seriously going 95 on the shoulder of the freeway passed traffic. It was scary, but I didn't care at all. I just wanted to get to the hospital.
We got there in about 10 minutes and I ran Clark into the ER. Things calmed down some once he was there with the doctors and nurses. I just felt better. Not all the way better, but a little bit. They put him in his room and hooked him up and then we just had to wait for the doctor. We were trying to talk to him and still nothing. Wouldn't speak would barely open his eyes and was completely limp. The Doctor came in and asked some questions and looked at Clark and said that he was ordering a CT Scan and left. Right after he left, Clark opened his eyes and I asked him how he was doing and he said "fine". Oh my gosh I was so happy to hear that little "fine".
He little by little started coming back to us and within a few minutes was his normal Clark self, asking to watch cartoons and saying that he was bored and wanted to go home. So very relieved. They did the Scan and it came back normal. They don't know what caused the seizure. Maybe a light frequency from the video game, maybe he had a fever that spiked, maybe he was dehydrated, maybe there is something more serious going on... they said there was nothing more they could do, they discharged us and told us to go see a pediatric neurologist within the next few days to run some tests. If he has another seizure before then, they will call in some meds. We just have to wait for the neurologist and watch him real carefully. No video games or flashing tv until then.
He was so happy to finally be leaving the hospital. Our sister-in-law Pauline came and got Kalvin (bless her heart) and Clark was very anxious to "go find my brother". We picked up Kal, got a pizza, came home and called family. We put the boys to bed, but Brad and I weren't at all tired. I think we still had a good amount of adrenaline pumping through us. We were up late watching tv and checking on Clark every little while. Monitoring his fever and listening for every little noise and every little breath. After not a wink of sleep by 3am, we brought Clark into our room and laid him on the floor by my side of the bed. That made me feel better. Being able to watch him and know that he is okay. I didn't sleep, but at least I wasn't in panic mode anymore.
We have a few days of waiting and worrying and Im not looking forward to that. I just want to know whats going on right now!! I want to know that he is okay!! I don't want to let him out of my sight for a second and even if he is in the same room as me and he is quiet for too long, my heart stops. Its been tough, but we've got a lot of great support and that helps. I've been so scared of what the neurologist might find, but I shouldn't be. What ever the case, it will be okay and I know that. We will keep everyone up to date on whats going on with our little Clarky.